Tigerfangz

Today I spoke with my psychologist and although she does not specialize in autism/adhd, she is going to search among her colleagues how to do it to see if a diagnosis is possible. I won't lie to you, some of the things she said bothered me a little because I feel like she was somehow invalidating the possibility that I had autism or ADHD... but not in a bad way it was like: Are you sure? What would you do if you had that? Why do you want that exam so badly? And she made me feel a little, okay, very anxious because I started to overthink, what if I don't have anything? What if I'm just trying to belong to a group and I'm just lazy? What happens if they get angry with me? What if I'm just incapable of being a normal adult and all my problems are my fault and I'm looking for an excuse because I'm worthless and useless? Because if I don't have autism or adhd... then it's true that I don't live to my potential just because of my anxiety and comfort depending on my parents until it's the end and I never have stability or reasons. Could it be that I just need to know how to navigate interactions and not need reasons? Or if I have... What can I do?... It would wonderful to have an explanation of everything but I'm terrified of loosing my time and money, when there are thing more important according to everybody... I'm tired that my brain doesn't shut up. For those who have your diagnosis, what was it like for you?

It's so hard losing someone. My dad passed away a year and a half ago, and of course I've gone through the grieving process. They say it gets easier, but I don't ever think it goes away. This evening, I wanted to find a show to watch and decided to turn on Psych (check it out if you haven't, it's great!) and Of course it has me laughing. Then, I could just..."hear" my dad's laugh. Of course not literally, but this was a favorite show that he and I always watched together and laughed and laughed. Watching it over again brings back the memories. I'm not looking for pity, I just wanted to express this I guess and I didn't want to put it on my other social media because I didn't want family thinking I'm not okay because I am, I just had to have a mini cry session and my husband comforted me, I just...death isn't fair.